Hello, and welcome back to another episode of The Retire Once Show. I'm your host, Johnathan Rankin, the founder and CEO of The Wealth Management, and I'm joined as always by my lovely co-host. Hi, I'm Melissa Rankin. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for being here. We are so happy to have another episode here where we're gonna be talking about what some people regret about their retirement.

You know, last week we got to share with some of our clients say that they wish they knew before they retired. Now let's talk about what some people actually regret. At any stage of their retirement. So, uh, it's gonna be a great show. We got a lot planned for today. But before we jump into all that, Mel, what do we want people to do?

We want you to subscribe. We want you to always catch these episodes as soon as they come out. We also want you to subscribe to the newsletter. Yep. Every single Friday we send out a retirement newsletter, so make sure you sign up for that. There's a link in the description below. And, uh, join this community as we are on the mission to help over a million people with their retirement and.

We'd love you to be a part of that. So, uh, with that, let's jump right in. Okay. Let's kick it off again, we're talking all about regrets today. We are, and, and we're not gonna be talking about some of the common regrets that you typically see out there. Things like, I wish I started saving earlier and I wish I invested better, or got outta debt sooner.

To me, those are, those are obvious, like, yes, if you are in your sixties and you're retired, And retirement is not financially what you wish it was. I would imagine that, yes, you probably wish you started earlier. Um, but what we want to talk about is how can you live a fulfilled and successful retirement from that standpoint, you know?

Yes, there are gonna be some financial aspects to it, but you know, retirement is more than just money. Absolutely. And so that's what we want to talk about. So let's jump into the first regret that we got. So the most common thing that we heard was, I regret not being more active when I could. Yeah, there is, there's so much fear that's baked into spending money in retirement.

I mean, whether it's everybody talking about the longevity risk and the fear of that, and, and to be honest, we're a little guilty of it too. We've talked about it as well. Absolutely. You know, healthcare costs and how expensive those can be. We've talked about that as well. But we make sure that we plan for all those things that, you know, during those times.

You know, you are making sure that yes, those things can be paid for, but by saving and not spending some of the money there is, it comes at a sacrifice. And, you know, we make this plan for a 30 or 40 year retirement and it is hard for a lot of people to not see themselves at a point where they can physically be active.

I mean, I, I mean, as, I mean, I don't think anybody wants to think about that part of it. No, but I, I also think that, You know, as we get older, I mean, you know, you get older, you realize, well, getting outta bed, my back hurts. I mean, I, I, I got a neck strain a couple weeks ago just from sneezing. So, I mean, this thing, you know, things happen as you get older.

And you know, what you have to realize though, is that retirement, it's not just about all about the money. You know, there's, there's no trophy for dying with the most amount of money. And so, no, you know, that's, it is a regret that we see people have because they want to be able to, you know, maximize their retirement.

But there's a certain point in which you just. You're physically not able to do that. So what can I do to avoid this type of regret? Well maximize your early years of retirement, you know, and that's usually around 75 is what we typically see. You know, people write out budgets and expense lists and all these things about where they're gonna be spending money in retirement, and they're planning for all these expenses.

But very rarely do I see people actually come up with a list of everything that they want to do in retirement. You know? And I mean, it's one thing that we do every single year on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day, we'll sit there as a family. We'll rat out Ari kinda yearly bucket list of what do we wanna do for that year.

It's actually a fun exercise. I mean, it doesn't sound like it really would be, but it is. I mean, you have to ask yourself if you had to live your life, Knowing that in 10 years you couldn't walk, like what would you do differently? And just as you're going through that exercise, just know that you, you can't say that you were gonna go out on runs or build ramps.

Like this is a hypothetical, we're not saying that you're not gonna be able to walk in 10 years, but it is, it is thinking along those lines of. If you physically aren't able to do the things that you want to do, not able to travel, you're not able to, you know, go out as much as as you could play with your grandkids or golf or what have you.

Exactly. What would you do now? And, and I know it sounds kind of morbid, but you know, that is a, a good exercise to really go through that and say, how would you maximize the next 10 to 15 years, depending on when you're retiring? Might, that window might be pretty short. Yeah, it might be a lot smaller. I mean, we see people yes, in their eighties that are extremely active and you know, we always hear the reports of, you know, the person who lived till 115 years old because she drank one Dr.

Pepper every single day, a Snickers bar and went on a long walk. Like, we get that, those people exist. I mean, my grandmother, she went skydiving at 82. That is true. I was there and, uh, still fascinated by that. But, uh, you know, start thinking about those things to become more active and live that fulfilled life so that.

You know later on when if you get to the point where you need ramps and you can't walk, well, you feel like you fulfilled that part of that retirement picture so that you're not missing out on it. Exactly. Okay, so that one again, kind of grim, but we gotta keep going. The next one we heard was, I regret not downsizing earlier.

Yeah. We hear this quite a bit from, from some clients where, you know, a lot of people stay in their homes for sentimental reasons. You know, this is where our kids grew up. This is where our family gathers. They come here for Thanksgiving and so, Thoughts and memories. Yeah, there's a lot of memories and I mean, I mean, think about how many people hold on to just childhood mementos and you know, ribbons or trophies from when they're kids.

I'm guilty of that too. Yes, you are very guilty of that, but very few people assess the space that they actually need and no, this is not a exercise in thinking about living in an IKEA 225 square foot, you know, space. This is thinking about, you know, how many rooms in your house do you just not go to? I think of sit there like a shrine.

I think of my grandma's house. I mean, she doesn't even use the entire second floor of her home. That's true. And so you think about these things, and this isn't to say that you have to run out, downsize, and sell everything. Like the retirement travelers, the couple that we interviewed, you know, last year, it's, it's not about that, but it's just assessing whether or not downsizing makes sense for you.

I mean, I can honestly say that we've never heard somebody say that. They wish that they had upsized? No. In retirement, I mean, I mean, nobody goes the opposite way. I mean, some, I guarantee yes, this isn't a catchall. There are probably some people who buy more house in retirement, but for the most part, most people they, you know, they want to cut back but analyze the cost of actually downsizing because you think about.

You know, most people think about the cost that comes with a larger home. They think about mortgage and insurance, but think about the maintenance. Think about the energy bills or the property tax. I mean, all those things can add up. And so you want to think about what is the opportunity cost of, you know, of downsizing?

Is there a monthly savings that you can. You can realize by just downsizing your home, you're going to have less space to maintain and all that stuff. And what could that savings go towards? Could it go towards being more active in maximizing your, your life, especially in those early years of retirement?

So it's just something to think about. I think that regret is, uh, It's something that we hear quite a bit. It is. It's a very common one. Another one that we heard was, I regret, I regret rather wasting the first few years of retirement. It wasn't until I got more active with friends and hobbies that I actually started to enjoy it.

I mean, we talk about the fulfillment of retirement. Personally all the time. Yeah. And we've, we've talked at Nam on this channel about making sure you're living a fulfilled life, making sure that you have that social, you know, calendar built out. Um, but those first few years in retirement can be really tough.

You know, it's a very big transition. People go from realizing that the friends that they thought they had at work were just colleagues and they, they weren't really deep friendships. You know, they find themselves bored. You know, we hear from friends, we hear that. Yeah. You know, that they, there's nothing that is really driving them.

Um, You know, there's also the statistics around the increase in divorce after retirement. You know, there was a, a study by the Census Bureau that showed that the, while the overall divorce rate in America is around 34%, which by the way was a lot lower than I actually thought it was. You always Yeah, that's, that's good.

Always heard. It was one in two. That's why I always thought 50. Yeah. So I guess it's not 50%, but 34%. But the amount, the percentage of adults who get divorced between 55 and 64 is at 43%, which is cr. That's crazy. It is. And you think about, you know, obviously you're spending more time together and. You know, it's maybe you realize you don't like their company as much as you got, I guess so And so taking time to find those true hobbies and passions that drive you of figuring out how you're actually gonna spend your time and actually build out that social calendar and what you want to do, what you actually plan on spending your time towards that is going to actually give you that fulfillment is important before you retire.

And talk to your spouse, you know? Yeah. Make sure you still like each other. Yeah. You know, make sure you have conversations and building that time and realize that you're probably gonna be spending a lot more time together. I would imagine that after Covid and everybody was stuck at home for, you know, a good year, year and a half, that.

It, uh, that probably helped accelerate some better, better idea. Yeah. It's like a trial run, I would imagine. But, you know, try to find those things that are going to, you know, give you that fulfillment because it does take some time. And just realize that if you're going through a tough transition in retirement, that you're not alone.

It is something that is extremely common. Very common. A lot of people go through it. All of those regrets that we just talked about actually lead to a book that I read by Bonnie Ware. She was an Australian caregiver and she worked with people who were dying. Interesting job choice. Very interesting job choice.

She interviewed them and wrote the book called The Top Five Regrets of Dying, which I mean, again, grim. But yes, this is good things to know. We're gonna try to make this as uplifting as possible. So with that, the number one, I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

That makes sense. She said that this was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it's easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to the choices they've made or not made.

That's, I mean, just that alone. Yeah. That's just depressing. Now that is very depressing, and we're sorry to be depressing, but we want to share these because hopefully. As you're going into retirement, you, you know, we don't want you to have any regrets. We want you to live that way. We want you to help avoid them.

Yeah. So if you know you haven't been true to yourself, but to this point, and you start thinking about it now, you, if you're retired, you've got plenty of time. You've got a lot of time to make that up. So it's very, uh, very interesting to, to think that that's the most common regret of all. So the most common, the second one, I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

Actually this one for me, I think it, it gives people a chance to give themselves a little bit of a free pass. Yeah, give yourself a little bit of a break. But she said that this came from every male patient that she nursed. They missed their children's youth, their partner's companionship. Women spoke of this also, but most were from the older generation.

Many of the female patients were not the breadwinners. All of the men deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of the work existence. I, I think that makes a lot of sense. That makes sense. I, I wonder if, I wonder how much of that is, you know, they say this is the male patients things.

I wonder if, how much of this is their wife telling them that you missed your kids' youth, you missed, you know, our companionship. Yeah. You weren't there for me. Uh, you know, I would imagine that there's a lot of truth to that, but, you know, I wonder how much of this was. Told to them that, uh, hey, these are all the things you missed.

Here's what happened. Yeah, no, I do understand that. You know, there are, there are times where, you know, for a long period of time, at least for a lot of people, their work becomes their identity. You know, when you people say, you know, Hi, I'm Jonathan Rankin. It's you actually say First. Yeah, this is what I do.

And so it kind of is tied together. And so breaking that tie and realizing that, I guess this is just one way to think if you're not retired right now and uh, you've got some time until that happens that. Maybe you could let him off the gas a little bit, I guess, or just, you know, make sure that you're spending meaningful time with your kids or your spouse, or at least, you know, letting them know that you're there.

And so that way they don't tell you when you're dying that you missed all this, that you weren't there. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody wants to hear that. The third one that she heard was, I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. That. I mean, that makes sense, but she said many people suppress their feelings in order to keep peace with others.

As a result, they settled for mediocre existence and never became who they truly were capable of becoming many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. I think this is a great thing about, I guess this. The book, I guess, is Stop being a Yes Person. Yeah. I mean, that's my takeaway from that one.

Yeah. I would also, uh, you know, I hope it wasn't her that was telling them that they lived a mediocre existence, but, uh, that's a very interesting way to, to, to phrase that. But I do think that that is something, you know, having that courage and, and this is all going towards, like I said, fulfilling, you know, creating that fulfilled life, the self-fulfilled life.

Yeah. Number four, I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends. She said that often they would not truly realize the BO full benefits of friends until they were dying, and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by.

Over the years, there were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they're dying. That's interesting. Well, at least nowadays, you know, we have Facebook and online, so hopefully the, so stay active on that. Yeah, stay active on that and track everybody out.

Here's our positive spin on that one. Yeah, I mean, get active, you, but this kind of goes into that early stage of retirement, the transition, the loneliness there, you know, the use that time to, to really reengage with friends, you know, so that way you don't have that regret. You know, when you're talking to Bonnie at some point Yeah.

When you're missing out on those connections. Yeah. I mean, you don't want Bonnie, I guess, to be your last connection cause she's, she's keeping track of what new people are thinking here and she might let you know you're living a mediocre existence. So that's just, uh, keep in touch with little friends. I think that's a good, good thing.

And the fifth one was, I wish I had let myself be happier. She said, this is a surprisingly uncommon one. Makes sense. Yeah. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns, habits, the so-called comfort of familiarity overflowed into their emotions as well, as well as their physical lives.

Fear of change had them pretending to others, their selves that they were content with, when deep within, they long to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. Hmm. Okay. So this one, the positive. Allow yourself to be silly. Yeah. Be silly. Wow. Watch some comedy, laugh, you know, have fun. And I, you know, I guess all of these, when we we're trying to relate this to retirement, cause obviously this is not a death show.

Uh, we we're not trying to just be morbidly talking about death here, but we're thinking about, you know, we're talking about retirement regrets. And obviously you know it regresses, you get older as well and I think Bonnie's got a great book here, but you know, how can you use the rest of the time you have where you don't have to clock in every single day?

You know, you do have a window of time where you're hopefully physically able to do the things you want to do. You have the financial freedom to not have to go to work every day. And how can you avoid having some of these regrets that people have had? And some that, you know, even some of our clients have had, you know, you wanna be able to use that time to maybe make up for lost time.

You know, if you have friends, family that you didn't spend with, you know, how can you, you know, use those last 15, 20, 30 years of retirement to live that happier life and, and make sure that you can. You know, I guess that's where the Get Off My lawn person from that, uh, that one movie where, you know, he expressed his feelings, you know, oh, there we go.

Yes. Use that time to, you know, reinvent yourself in a positive way so that you know, by the time you are, we are all gonna have regrets. You know, no matter what, there are probably things that people remember in their, you know, teens and twenties. They go, ah, I wish I would've done this. But you know, if your last 20 years are your best 20 years, well then, you know what, maybe there aren't gonna be that many regrets.

And so that's, that's what we want you to take away from this episode, is that, uh, we're not a death show. We're here to help you maximize retirement. Yes, we weren't trying to bring anybody down by any means. No. But, uh, if this was uplifting for you, make sure you hit that subscribe button because we're here every single week.

And we want you to subscribe to that retirement newsletter. Uh, but with that, I'm Johnathan Rankin. And I'm Melissa Rankin. Thank you so much for joining us.

‍